i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
