Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
