so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
