she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
