I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
