Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
