Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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