bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize