Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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