no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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