it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
