HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
bring money and cleavage
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
