He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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