doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
