Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
