I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
