Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize