Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
