i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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