census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
