Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
