I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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