Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize