So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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