So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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