There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
