Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
