i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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