I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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