Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
