Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
