My room smells like vodka and shame
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
