Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
