I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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