Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
