let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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