I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
