Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
