What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
