this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
