We should be called the Road Head Warriors
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
