I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
