my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
