Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize