in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
