After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
