So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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