Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
