Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think my vagina is haunted
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
