do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize