meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
