dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
