Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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