so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
