you guys were way drunker than both of me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize