Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
