Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
