the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
