I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
