you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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