So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
