Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize