i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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