At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
