I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
