i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
