so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
