Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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