walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
