my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
