This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
