this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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