I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
