highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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