Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
