I just pynch a tree in the face
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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