I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
