if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I stole a fireplace last night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
