What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
