If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
