There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
