We're like a lot better than the average bears
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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