I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
