we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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