Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
