thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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