How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
