haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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