My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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