i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
