I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
