my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
