Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
