ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
