So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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