my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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