I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
