The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
