there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize