Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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