I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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