Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
