mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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