At least make sure they are 18
Why
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
