I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Are we still banned from the library?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
