my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize