Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
